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Sep. 17th, 2012

and then they will finally leave

just to think how my frustrations can become bad to worst...
oh GOD!!!
please i just want to be free from these things i feel...
i hope i can be numb, blind and deaf at the same time 
so i wont feel such things...
alone (well not so alone alone, physically speaking though)

i hope and i know these things will finally get out of my system
but when ? ? ?
can it be now...like now now
so i can be free of this. . .

Sep. 13th, 2012

i fell in love with this...

Annabel Lee

It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of ANNABEL LEE;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea;
But we loved with a love that was more than love-
I and my Annabel Lee;
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her highborn kinsman came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
Went envying her and me-
Yes!- that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we-
Of many far wiser than we-
And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling- my darling- my life and my bride,
In the sepulchre there by the sea,
In her tomb by the sounding sea. 

Edgar Allan Poe

Aug. 6th, 2012

from Gabriel's Inferno

Apparuit iam beatitudo vestra (now your blessedness appears)

I'm going to be thrown out of Paradise tomorrow, Beatrice, Our only hope is that you find me afterward. Look for me in Hell.

Here's the smell of blood still: all the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand

-Gabriel O. Emerson

Ti amo Dante. Eccomi, Beatrice (i love you dante here i am beatrice)

I'am Beatrice. You were my first kiss. I fell asleep in your arms in your precious orchard.

I never wanted anyone else 

-Julianne H. Mitchelle

rain wont stop... but i cant

its been rain since...(i dont know)...im so caught up with my preoccupied mind keeping myself busy reading and thinking every night..this sort of weather really makes me sad and scared (i guess) the effing wind blows hard on my glass window and it creeps me to the bone...

now while burning my time in my swivel chair and computer checking out books while listening to my new favorite song.. "Give me your hands by The Ready Set" and maybe later will arrange my library and give a copy to my dearest cousin... these are the things i keep myself busy for the inevitable that will be happening next week or maybe the end of this week.damn.. im so not good at this kind of situations..i remember reading something from the bible "if your weak on difficult situation, your weak indeed" am i weak? heavy sigh...

even though im not feeling good at the moment my books and my man gives me reasons to smile, id like to thank him and  Sylvain Reynard who wrote Gabriel's Inferno and Rapture for keeping me company since last friday until today during this raining season. I LOVE THE BOOK. thats all i can say...

so the news says that this (sick) weather will continue until the end of the week.. so i'll have  to endure a dreadful week walking on wet or worse flooded streets..damn..

Jul. 25th, 2012

vampire or werewolf

since i started reading that black book with a red apple at hand
i fell inlove with edward and bella right away...
i dont know if i like jacob or not but after 3 days
after reading that black book with a girl's legs on a violet silk cloth
i started to kinda like daniel and grace...

hmmm??? so now i was thinking which couple is better?

violet or gold eyes?
blond or dark hair?
artist or musician?

what do you think?

Jul. 19th, 2012

im going down

this has been a low moment for me at the moment...
im depressed, frustrated, worried and sad...
the news was really a blow to me and i dont know how to cope up

i think i tried not to show how it really affects me by 
diverting my self to usual activities i do everyday but pushing it to the limit
like reading books till i get bored,
non stop watching of old tv series till i get very tired that i dont have time to change my clothes
and blowing my ears to non stop music trip every morning going to work
and every afternoon going home...
i want to keep my mind occupied
so i wont think of worst things that could happen

i just dont feel showing how upset iam to the situation because maybe...
im still hoping that things will work out..
but everyday feels like a futile cause to get up and go on with the day...
and after the day when i go to bed, i still think of getting up the next morning
and go on as usual...
how pathetic...

Jul. 10th, 2012

do not go gentle

having a hard time since thursday...
im not so sure what will happen tomorrow...
i keep wondering...
dont even know what to write here...
what to share...

this phrase i always remember since reading that book...


this could mean a lot in different circumstances in life...
but why do i lately feel like fading...hopeless...
cant think right...dont know what to do...
when will i dont go gentle?
to what situation i wont go gentle?
to whom shouldnt i go gentle?
how will i dont go gentle?

just now, i realized that life is hard...
so i wont go gentle

Jul. 5th, 2012

had a bad day









Jul. 2nd, 2012

the amazing spider man

i had a busy week tiring my eyes watching 3 foreign drama series till late night...
well it was really tiring but i like watching...

and this weekend we get to watch emma stone and andrew garfield...yey!!!
like the movie...that's all i could say...
but the movie house sucks...somewhere in the middle of the the movie it was cut for unknown reasons (maybe technical difficulties or the ones who's facilitating it was so stupid enough to cut our enjoyment watching that movie)...
and to think of my previous encounter with the movie house...it actually happens every time...

i hope this week would get interesting cause i've been lazy and bored...
and im still sleepy getting up this morning but no choice but to go to work.. (sigh) 

Jun. 21st, 2012

7days of valentines day

she had it all for her high school senior year...
she's popular
she had three best friends
she had the hottest boyfriend
and a loving family

worst part is...she died on valentines day
and have to live that day over and over again for 7days...
7 days of valentines...whats the catch?

she then realize how important people around her is...
how she will miss her parents and sister,
how important her friendship had been with 3 girls
how she learned that people around her is not that bad as she think they are
how secrets and truth was revealed to her in 7 days 
how she realized that she hooked up with the wrong guy all along
and regret not realizing the perfect guy is just in front of her waiting to be recognized
how she tried to figure out to get out of this cycle
to save her self and another's life
and how she wanted to live not die at all

but in the end...she still died
im so sad 
i think she deserved another chance in life
after all those realization and all she did for 7days

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